A DESIRE FOR BEING THE BEST (dream #4)

Dream: I was playing football on a road. There were at least 3 people that I know very well. Two classmates (M. and B.) and one guy from one-year lower class (E.) from the school years. The main idea of the dream was that I was a very good player. Compared to Mr. E, I was very fast. He was enough tall and skinny as in real life. When he had the ball and was trying to attack our (or my) goal, I was running from almost nowhere and catching him behind, taking the control of the ball, and I was sometimes not switching the directions towards his goal. I was keeping the ball and was running towards my own goal. I was fast, and I knew it is not dangerous. It was a kind of an attempt for "humiliation" against my rival. I was cocky. I had an unfair advantage, and I was aware of it. After the game, I told my friends that I wasn't expecting him to be such slow. But in reality, I was the one who is very fast. Mr. B and I were passing from a long distance for fun when the game was over. I guess it was over because I was very good and the opposite team (or individual, it could one-to-one game as well) had no chance. Then Mr. B was throwing me some small, yellow table-tennis balls to train me and to see whether I can control them easily or not. I missed the first one, but I could manage to control the rest with my knees. I guess I did not have a talk with Mr. M

Analysis: The road which I was playing football is actually located in front of our family house in Bilasuvar (we don't live there anymore). I haven't played football in almost the last 3 years. When I was a kid, I used to play football with some kids from the neighborhood. I was not the best player. As a kid, naturally, I was always experiencing some new feelings. I was feeling very good one day, as a king of the neighborhood. One day, I was a loser. There were kids who were older than me and had a better physique. I used to play football with Mr. M and Mr. B as well in the school years. I was in the main team with Mr. M and he was, unargued, the best player in our team, probably at the school too. I wasn't. Mr. E was in our opponent team. I should confess that I was not very friendly to him. I would even say, I disgusted at him. I used to found his face ugly, and I was thinking that is enough reason to hate someone. Maybe I was not such a monster? Maybe there was a problem with his behaviors? I don't know. 

He was one of the best players in his team. I would say, he was a fast player. I do not clearly remember, but it is a very high possibility that in a real game, he did once or maybe multiple times dribbled past me. We had many games, it could be. Was it my revenge in the dream? Why did I need a "humiliation"? Did he "humiliate" me in a real game in front of people? Why Mr. M did not appreciate my being the very best player? Did I envy him in my school years? And was he jealous of me in the dream now? Did I switch the personalities? Maybe I was my friend - Mr. M, and he was me. I guess not, because I was always appreciating his football skills and I was letting him know whenever I could. I still do. I have no final analysis of that situation. But what I know for sure is that I was never the best player in real life, but I was in my dream. Probably, it was my wish to be the best, and it was fulfilled. It has a rational reason, a considerable number of people were usually watching our tournament games at the school. Even some of my many crushes and some hot girls (I realized they weren't - after moving to Europe) that I would do everything to impress them. I do not know what was the trigger of the dream. I have some dental problems, and my teeth may bleed during sleep. Maybe my stream on a road was actually the bloodstream in my mouth. ("The dream is the guardian of sleep, not its disturber. - Freud)

(Later note:  I re-created the situation and put myself in the best player place. I took the same people, but not the same place. I took the players into my own zone, in front of my home. My comfort zone. So I took my "revenge" from my friends who "saw me as a mediocre player" on the road in which I was playing football in my childhood as a mediocre player. I would call it combined revenge.

Amanov Shamsaddin

13th of March 2020

Szeged, Hungary