TOLERANCE | Real or Myth?

"I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know one thing for sure, something will happen, and something good will happen."

Tolerance - this is a very magical word to me. I don't know the invention date of tolerance, I haven't researched yet. But I am sure about one thing. 

Not Hitler, Not Bush, Not fission bombs, Not climate change, Not overpopulation

One thing that will ruin the world is "Tolerance".

It is a very dangerous tool for the wrong hands. Very dangerous tool for the age we live in. Tolerance, as of 2020, is everything. Everything, but itself.

What is really tolerance? 

Is it real or myth? Does it really work or not?

How do we define tolerance? How do we assess behavior that is out of tolerance?

But is tolerance good for us? Are we really sure about that? I am suspicious.

Even I am afraid we are not talking about the same "tolerance". I am afraid it has a "unique" definition for each person. 

Will you tolerate my understanding of tolerance? If yes, don't. If no, tell me why?

RE-BIRTH OF SOLIDARITY IN AZERBAIJAN

   During the Second Karabakh War, we see amazing solidarity between Azerbaijani people. A soldier in the frontline congratulated his daughter's birthday on TV, then some group of people found the family and gave birthday gifts to the little girl saying these are coming from his father. There are many examples like this, for example, while writing this, I witnessed another one on Facebook, an old man donated his (probably) the last 180 manats (~90 euro) to the military fund with wrecked shoes. Now some people are trying to find that old man for buying him brand new shoes.

   This war repaired the solidarity of the Azerbaijani people. President Ilham Aliyev is usually posting the names of newly liberated lands on twitter at the end of the day. All the people in Baku are celebrating this by applauding in their balconies with the national anthem and so on.

   If we go back a little bit earlier, the strongest solidarity in the last 25 years was witnessed in the summer of 2020 after Armenia killed the Azerbaijani high official military servant, General Major Polad Hasimov. After his death, thousands of people gathered in front of the Azerbaijani Parlament, demanding war with Armenia.

   Azerbaijan is the Democratic Republic. However, it doesn't really work so in real life.

(I will continue later...)

SUMMARY | THE FIRST 10 DAYS OF THE SECOND KARABAKH WAR.

   Azerbaijan and Armenia started the Second Karabakh War (First one: 1988-1994) on the 27th of September 2020. As of today, the 6th of October 2020, the war is ongoing. Azerbaijan is fighting for its internationally recognized territories (by the United Nations, the highest international body with 200 member countries) which are occupied by Armenia. Armenia is fighting to keep Nagorno-Karabakh by claiming that this territory belongs to them because of the ancient Kingdom of Armenia. 

   In the latest news, the Azerbaijan side claims that they have liberated some parts of the occupied lands, while Armenians call it a "tactical withdrawal" as a trap. All in all, one thing is sure that both sides have lost a considerable number of their soldiers (and civilians) and they keep losing more. Azerbaijan wants to end the occupation of 30 years after realizing negotiations didn't work and will never work at all. Armenia still declares that they want peace, but the understanding of peace is very different for the parties. For Azerbaijan, peace means Armenia withdraws from the occupied territories, while for Armenia, peace means that the war stops, the sides sit at the table, and try to solve the problem, which is high probably equal to status quo = nothing really changes, as the last 30 years.

Peace for Azerbaijan: Withdrawal of Armenian troops

Peace for Armenia: Negotiations / which is eventually --> Status quo

   Azerbaijan started the war with real threats, high tech weapons in the Azerbaijani Military made a real difference. Turkish Bayraktar and Israeli Harops became a gamechanger in the war for the first week in favor of Azerbaijan. Many of the tanks and other heavy weapons are already destroyed by these drones. However, Armenian troops are located in their places for the last 30 years, so Azerbaijan is fighting against 30 years' experience and preparation. In addition, the natural position of Armenian troops is very suitable for the war since they have the mountains and they can observe the field and shoot from above.

   Armenia also has the advantage of hitting major Azerbaijani cities from its own lands. Not an honorable advantage, but still an advantage. Armenia and Russia have a mutual military defensive agreement and if Azerbaijan attacks the internationally recognized territories of Armenia, Armenia can officially call Russia for military aid. By knowing this, Azerbaijan is not giving this chance to Armenia. However, nobody knows what will be the strategy of Azerbaijan on this matter if Armenia keeps bombing major Azerbaijani cities. One of the biggest threats is Ganja. Ganja is the second biggest city of Azerbaijan, with 500.000 civilian population. In early October, Armenia launched 4 missile rockets to Ganja and 1 person died. They repeated it 2 days later. Armenia also targeted Mingachevir city, the 4th biggest city of Azerbaijan, and the rockets fell beside the energy blocks without exploding.

   Armenia declared a full mobilization while Azerbaijan declared a partial mobilization for the war. It is possible that Azerbaijan calls the whole young men for military service soon. Almost everyone in Azerbaijan supports the war because people think that "this is the war to end all wars". In some sense, this is true. In the last 30 years, there have been a lot of clashes between the neighbors. The clashes were happening for 4-5 days, then it was always followed by a ceasefire. If we use some empathy, this is very hard for the parents who lost their children in the clashes. If nothing is really happening, why did their children die for? For the motherlands, or for nothing?

   10 days just passed, but it feels like 60 days. People who are not fighting on the field are constantly checking their cellphones to learn what is going on. In the last days, I have a serious headache because of looking at the screen the whole day. The best scenario for any war is that one side wins quickly so that everyone can get rid of disturbing uncertainty and face the real consequences. This war looks like it will go for a long period.

   War is a terrible thing. War is a disgrace for humanity. Not for humanity actually, it is a grace for civilized societies, otherwise, by calling it a disgrace, we would target the 99% of human history, which is full of blood and terror. Every person with a sound mind knows this: Do not kill. Not as a part of the Ten Commandments, but as a part of basic ethics and morality.

   But conflicts like "Nagorno-Karabakh" is not that simple. If one side is a real aggressor, you can't really watch and accept it. Does war always mean attacking or is it a defense mechanism?

   Personally, I don't want to die (who wants?). But I believe some kind of secular determinism. A determinism that is not mystical. If things happen, it means things happen. Not necessarily for a reason, but because they are happing. Not written before, just happening. If I am taken to the war, then I am taken to the war. If I die, I just die.

Amanov Shamsaddin

6th of October 2020

Baku, Azerbaijan

SOCIAL DISTANCING

   Social distancing is the most miserable way of trying to solve the problem. Nothing else could be this ridiculous because we don't really have that imaginary space, as of 2020. Social distancing is very efficient according to the theory, but it is, simply put, not practical. Many organizations use social distancing as cover to run their events. No one really knows what happens behind the curtain. Social distancing started as a tool to prevent the spread of the disease but it turned out to be a myth. I called it miserable because it doesn't do anything much and it aims to hide our weakness against nature. Instead of saying "Oops, I don't know what to do here", it just says "Ehm, I might have a plan". For a modern human being, it is hard to obey anything that is not human. 

   Sure, I know what you think, what is wrong with fighting, resisting, surviving? Actually nothing, but if a modern society, institutions, and governments use it for a purpose, then social distancing sucks. Now, you can't have 50 people protesting in downtown because of 18 reasons instead of 17 reasons. From personal experience, my government (Azerbaijan) enjoys the moment. The Dictator is having a great time and he knows that he is safe until at least 2022. I don't think he was this much comfortable in the last few years. 

   Whatever happens, things always adds some power to the existing power. We are just waiting for an overdose.

Art | My Acrylic Paintings

                                              Amanov, "Before 18:18", August 8, 2020

                                              Amanov, "The Final Puke", August 10, 2020

                                              Amanov, "The Night in Beirut", August 16, 2020

                                         Amanov, "The Old Man is Tired", August 23, 2020

                                Amanov, "The Flow in the Chess Board", August 27, 2020

Art | My Watercolor Paintings

                                  Amanov, "A Bridge Without Spectator", June 18, 2020

Amanov, "The War in Sky", June 18, 2020

Amanov, "Leader of the Clan", June 21, 2020

                                            Amanov, "Girl with a Burned Face", June 22, 2020

                                             Amanov, "The Man's Shoulder", July 7, 2020

                                                Amanov, "The Beauty Itself", July 10, 2020

                                                Amanov, "Real or Not?", July 12, 2020

                                                Amanov, "In The Liberatory", July 20, 2020

                                                Amanov, "The Sea Again", July 22, 2020

Amanov, "Eyes of Spring", July 25, 2020

Amanov, "Mom, I fell!", July 27, 2020

HOW DO WE PAY TO MONEY?

   Money has a relatively young history, the first known currency dates back to approximately 3000-4000 years. Before this, of course, the idea of "barter" and "trade" existed, but money was the discovery that triggered the progress that we are proud of. Money quickly adapted to our daily life and now it is considered as one of the components of our safety needs (Abraham Maslow, 1943). Money became a symbol of an ideology, a picture of Julius Ceaser on a metal coin. Money became a motivation for people throughout history. A Dutch mercenary that fights for the glory of France against England. If not dead after the war, then he would get paid some silvers that can be found in nature.

(Keywords: Money, Inequality, History of Money, Psychology of Money, Money and its effect on human beings)

   Even in psychological experiments, people are getting paid for their time and attendance. (for example, The Milgram Experiment, 1961). Money became a factor in moral dilemmas, such as "whether a man with no money can steal a drug for his ill wife" (Lawrance Kohlberg, 1956). I realize that in this dilemma, stealing is the main concern, but it is not a regular man, it is a man with no money. In 1959, Frederick Herzberg argued that achievement is more motivating than money. I haven't read his arguments but it sounds too optimistic about common people and their vision.

   Money became a distraction for many people, and if analyzed closely, their inner wishes have nothing to do with it. Are there any statistics to show how many people betrayed themselves and their dreams in pursuit of constant payment per month?

   What makes people think that money is not replaceable? With a basic approach, a person who invented something can also advance it. The question is do we want to advance or the current system is pretty favorable for some?

   Money became a guide for polarization in our shared earth. Money became a standpoint for people to think that "life is fair for all", it started to increase insensitivity, it is making us nothing but money-earning-machines. The more money became to mean more happiness. The more money became to mean power and dominance over the other. The idea of earning more money became to lead (or should I say force) people to spend less time for themselves, for their children, parents, relatives, friends. How many people anymore care about the neighbors and whether they have something to eat tonight. Probably a few people, mainly in undeveloped tribes. "I have earned everything with my great effort" became a statement for self-deception and moral relief. Did you? If so, is it enough? Obviously, I am not blaming the inorganic material instead of organic material. Money can be used for good. We are the ones who decided how to use money and with my humble estimation, we failed. 

   And yes, regardless of the electric car in earth's orbit.

   The money offers us a smartphone that can take 50x zoom photos as of 2020, an easy life which arises the question that "do we really need easy life?", a strawberry cake with no strawberry used, but what does it take in return? A lost virtue.

Amanov Shamsaddin

9th of May 2020

Baku, Azerbaijan

ARE HUMAN BEINGS STUPID?

Let's talk about humans, I am sure you have heard about them. 

Human beings... Far be it from us.

Regarding the question in the title, in a brief answer, yes they are. In a long answer, the outcome doesn't change that much, still, they are.

(Keywords: Human, Human beings, Stupid, Stupidity, Power, Violence, Inequality)

How do we assess stupidity? Can we call humans smart by looking at the skyscraper in Dubai? The smartphone that can be folded? A heart that can be replaced?

But wait a minute, humans are not stupid, there are only certain conditions that we can call them stupid. They are only stupid when they try to speak or behave or move. 

To be clear, they are only stupid when they desire power. More dominance over the other. They are only stupid when their way of doing things leads to extreme, immoral, irreversible, rambling inequality. By ignoring the discoverable, achievable ways of equality, by leaving the virtue of presence behind and moving forward. They are only stupid when they decide to show off their wealth. Having more than needed, but still, being dissatisfied. They are only stupid when they have blind faith in the idea that people get what they actually deserve. Never questioning the importance of opportunity. They are only stupid when they turn these whole amazing lives into a bloody competition. Bringing the law of the jungle as an argument to relieve themselves, ignoring that they can be much more than this if they unite. They are only stupid when they are proud of their randomly "assigned" bodies from birth. An adorable eyebrow that has never been lifted up to represent a concern for those who live in a miserable way. They are only stupid when they are proud of the things that they didn't choose to be/to have. A parent, a nation, a religion, a society. They are only stupid when they are proud of their so-called wisdom because true wisdom is far away than a mortal human can achieve. Pride and knowledge can just not co-exist. They are only stupid when they think the whole universe rotates around them. Abandoning empathy, one of the things that make them mature. They are only stupid when they build their lives on magical conspiracy theories. Things that are considered valuable and trustable just because their ancestors found them so. They are only stupid when they ignore the colors of life and devote their lives to one single dark idea, a cause that is believed. A man, a great revolutionist at the end of his life, but nothing else. Nothing else. They are only stupid when they try to use hatred and violence. By not realizing the sameness between a harsh word and a wound of a sword. They are only stupid when they feel obliged to add some desperate meanings to their lives in order to keep it going. Even if it costs self disrespect, gradually losing the sense of reality. They are only stupid when they think they are not.

Apart from these, humans are fine. We are fine.

Sigmund Freud once said, "Es sind nicht alle Menschen liebenswert." It means, "not all people are loveable". I would disagree if we could freeze those people for the sake of a scientific experiment and see whether they are lovable or not. We love behavior.

I may not be my behavior, but I am definitely my next behavior. 

I am my next sentence that will fall from the tip of my tongue. 

I may not be me, but I will be.

Why humans act stupidly? Because of ignorance. "What happened to us?" is a brave question to investigate human stupidity since it implies the idea of "We were fine back then, what happened now?" No, we weren't. As far as I am concerned, we weren't. Which type of society was the best for us to live in? Maybe hunter-gatherer society? I am not sure about that. Tell me a time period that everything was great. It doesn't have to be great, it just should be not terrible. Look at me, how miserable it is, I could imagine the greatness, while I am trying to figure out a non-terrible version of living. Only this, randomly written, innocent sentence shows how we failed as human beings. 

I am not entirely pessimist. I have a hope, a hope that may contain deception.

Amanov Shamsaddin

8th of May 2020

Baku, Azerbaijan

THE INTRODUCTION OF A NEW RELIGIOUS/PHILOSOPHICAL VIEW: "OMITTOISM"

I have been thinking about religions and Gods for a long time. First of all, I should mention that I haven't seen the truth among the existing man-made religions. However, the idea of God is not too easy to deny. Therefore, I wanted to introduce "Omittoism" as my new religious view. A theosophistical approach.

(Keywords: Introduction, New, Religion, Philosophy, Religious, Philosophical, View, Omittoism, God, Human beings, Belief)

The verbal meaning of Omittoism:

Omittoism is a combination of the Latin word "omitto" and a Greek suffix "-ism". Omitto is a verb, which means to omit, to leave out, to neglect, to disregard, to abandon, to exclude and so on in English. In German, we may say "unterlassen". The suffix ism is obviously a distinctive doctrine, cause, or theory.

What does Omittoism declare?

Omittoism is a religious view and philosophical movement, in which, the main question is not about the existence of God. God may exist, or may not. That does not matter. What matters is that one will never let God act superior to them. To make a stand against God. To be either rebel or reckless according to one's personality. To protect humanity and human rights.

If God does not exist, that makes no difference for Atheist-like Omittoists. There is neither a surprise nor gloom in that.

In the worst case - if God exists, the Omittoist view is about turning one's back on God. To abandon him. To dislike him and his designs, creations, ideas, etc. To reject him because of his criminal records and bigotry. To despise him. To neglect him. Omittoism is all about being ashamed of having a miserable Creator or Creators.

Unlike Atheism, one sees or feels or somehow acknowledges God's existence, or one is too skeptical about the ultimate truth, or one is still in search but at the end of the day, one does not obey or follow God's commands. One is as free as a bird, as free as the air. One does not agree to be a slave even if God exists. There may be a God, but that just does not matter. There may be a God, but one does not care. 

Omittoism should not be confused with Apatheism. Apatheism is the attitude of apathy towards the existence or non-existence of God(s). Omittoism is the attitude of dislike and dissatisfaction towards the potential existing God(s).

The difference between Atheism and Omittoism is that Atheism denies the existence of God while Omittoism does not like God in case of his potential existence. The Creator (introduced ones) who built the whole universe from scratch and listening to people's extramarital sex rumors is nothing but a huge disappointment.

What kind of God or Gods may exist for the Omittoist view?

There are three basic answers:

I. There is a God/Gods that we are already familiar with him/them (~X)
I. There is a God/Gods that we do not know about him/them (~Y)
II. There is not a God (~Z)

In the case of X, the potential existing God is one of the famous Gods who have sent holy books to the planet earth. The Omittoist view is actually inclined to accept that God or Gods among the existing religions. This God maybe Jesus or Allah or someone else. Omittoism does not like any of these Gods and sees them as an Idiot God. "Why Omittoism does not like the current Gods?" will be mentioned in the next paragraph. If there is a God, we already know him. The Omittoist view finds the other versions irrational. If we don't know him yet, like the case Y, and he exists, it means he is a humble God, and his modesty is misleading us. As long as he keeps his quiet, the world and its population will run towards a cliff. To overlook everything is just unacceptable. This kind of God is an Idiot God as well. If God is dead, he is again an idiot. If God is "Deus Otiosus", again, he is an idiot. (Idiot = having a low intelligence compared to what is expected from God-level entity)

Overall, we may conclude that Omittoism does not like any kind of God and his intelligence, rationality, and plans. All Gods are a disappointment. 

In the case of Z, well, we don't need to use our brains too much.

(to be continued..)

Amanov Shamsaddin

29th of March 2020

Baku, Azerbaijan

A VAGUE DREAM TO ANALYZE (dream #5)

Dream: I was a student, and I had a teacher for swimming. (We could be in a boat too). We were in the sea. Suddenly, we realized we are no longer swimming in blue seawater. Slightly lighter, the whitish sea flows started to encircle us. We were in the middle of the ocean now. I saw a shark approaching us. I screamed and informed my instructor. She was calm and she did not get into a panic. I was somehow off in the scene. The shark captured my teacher.

In the second part of the dream, the shark was cutting some parts of my teacher, and cooking it. I guess it was a fried leg like a KFC chicken drumstick. My teacher (I - since I became her in this part, and experienced everything from the first-person view) took a bite from her own meat. The shark was surprised against this attitude. I was cold-blooded and I was not afraid of him. He decided to take me (he talked to me or showed some gestures - a kind of common communication tool in dreams, no talking but everyone understands each other since the signals come from one single brain) to one special place. Probably he thought he could finally thrill me. The place was a cliff. He showed me the ocean floor. The surface was red as blood. Probably it was blood anyway. The shark decided to jump into it, and witlessly leave me alone at the top of the cliff. I did run away after he was gone. But I could never learn what he was trying to explain to me because I was supposed to wait for him to come and do the final presentation. I thought it is a kind of religious activity, a ritual for shark species. Soon, I realized I had some chips on me, and a group of scientists (Zoologist, Behaviourist, etc.) was analyzing our conversations and actions. The end.

Analysis: First of all, I should accept that this dream is so difficult for me to resolve. Maybe the hardest among the last 4. I don't know which sea was that. Or which ocean. I don't even know whether it matters or not in the main dream conclusion. I have never seen a shark in my life. Am I afraid of sharks? Well, if it has teeth in his mouth, why shouldn't I? Mystacoceti is also scary. Was the shark figure representing something? Why I was eating my own fried leg? Did my body felt hunger? I did not eat anything much before sleeping. I was hungry, but not very much. I was not afraid of the shark in the dream. Just the opposite of real life. I have never discussed this topic with myself vocally: am I afraid of sharks? But I know I would if I face one. The cliff looked actually familiar. I must have seen that place in one of the movies. Or it could be my imagined cliff because I have read once a man standing by a cliff in a book and that was my task to imagine it. The Shark jumped into the ocean, but why did he trust me? Why was I supposed to wait for him? Why did I think it was a religious ceremony? Because of blood? I have seen some scenes from Viking TV series about sacrifice days for Gods - Odin, Thor, Freya, etc. Maybe the blood on the ocean reminded me of it. Or not reminded, it was basically derived from it. (Later note: I forget that I have dental problems and I may have bleeding teeth during sleep in almost 5 days of a week). Why did scientists were listening to us? Did I take part in an animal experiment? One day before the dream, I downloaded one of Frans De Waal's books. I knew him since summer when I was writing a book, I researched some of his experiments on animals (apes). Now, I was the one who is involved in animal experimentation and trying to understand shark behaviors and reactions. There a lot of missing points in the dream, thus missing interpretations as well.

Amanov Shamsaddin

14th of March 2020

Szeged, Hungary

A DESIRE FOR BEING THE BEST (dream #4)

Dream: I was playing football on a road. There were at least 3 people that I know very well. Two classmates (M. and B.) and one guy from one-year lower class (E.) from the school years. The main idea of the dream was that I was a very good player. Compared to Mr. E, I was very fast. He was enough tall and skinny as in real life. When he had the ball and was trying to attack our (or my) goal, I was running from almost nowhere and catching him behind, taking the control of the ball, and I was sometimes not switching the directions towards his goal. I was keeping the ball and was running towards my own goal. I was fast, and I knew it is not dangerous. It was a kind of an attempt for "humiliation" against my rival. I was cocky. I had an unfair advantage, and I was aware of it. After the game, I told my friends that I wasn't expecting him to be such slow. But in reality, I was the one who is very fast. Mr. B and I were passing from a long distance for fun when the game was over. I guess it was over because I was very good and the opposite team (or individual, it could one-to-one game as well) had no chance. Then Mr. B was throwing me some small, yellow table-tennis balls to train me and to see whether I can control them easily or not. I missed the first one, but I could manage to control the rest with my knees. I guess I did not have a talk with Mr. M

Analysis: The road which I was playing football is actually located in front of our family house in Bilasuvar (we don't live there anymore). I haven't played football in almost the last 3 years. When I was a kid, I used to play football with some kids from the neighborhood. I was not the best player. As a kid, naturally, I was always experiencing some new feelings. I was feeling very good one day, as a king of the neighborhood. One day, I was a loser. There were kids who were older than me and had a better physique. I used to play football with Mr. M and Mr. B as well in the school years. I was in the main team with Mr. M and he was, unargued, the best player in our team, probably at the school too. I wasn't. Mr. E was in our opponent team. I should confess that I was not very friendly to him. I would even say, I disgusted at him. I used to found his face ugly, and I was thinking that is enough reason to hate someone. Maybe I was not such a monster? Maybe there was a problem with his behaviors? I don't know. 

He was one of the best players in his team. I would say, he was a fast player. I do not clearly remember, but it is a very high possibility that in a real game, he did once or maybe multiple times dribbled past me. We had many games, it could be. Was it my revenge in the dream? Why did I need a "humiliation"? Did he "humiliate" me in a real game in front of people? Why Mr. M did not appreciate my being the very best player? Did I envy him in my school years? And was he jealous of me in the dream now? Did I switch the personalities? Maybe I was my friend - Mr. M, and he was me. I guess not, because I was always appreciating his football skills and I was letting him know whenever I could. I still do. I have no final analysis of that situation. But what I know for sure is that I was never the best player in real life, but I was in my dream. Probably, it was my wish to be the best, and it was fulfilled. It has a rational reason, a considerable number of people were usually watching our tournament games at the school. Even some of my many crushes and some hot girls (I realized they weren't - after moving to Europe) that I would do everything to impress them. I do not know what was the trigger of the dream. I have some dental problems, and my teeth may bleed during sleep. Maybe my stream on a road was actually the bloodstream in my mouth. ("The dream is the guardian of sleep, not its disturber. - Freud)

(Later note:  I re-created the situation and put myself in the best player place. I took the same people, but not the same place. I took the players into my own zone, in front of my home. My comfort zone. So I took my "revenge" from my friends who "saw me as a mediocre player" on the road in which I was playing football in my childhood as a mediocre player. I would call it combined revenge.

Amanov Shamsaddin

13th of March 2020

Szeged, Hungary

SWITCHING PERSONALITIES IN ONE DREAM (dream #3)

Introduction: I have seen a dream that I was the mother of mine (not my real mother). Then, I was me again. In the end, I was again the mother.

Dream: I was a woman, middle-aged, (blonde?), and beautiful. My son (real me) went to one kind of mission, and I couldn't contact him. Maybe he was a soldier. Direct communication was (I guess) prohibited, or the technology was not developed enough at that time. I was sending him food with cipher messages. I asked the person (a lady) who is going to give the food to my son to tell him some words. Then I thought why am I not doing this myself? Then I became a sister (Christian), and my clothes adapted to the new situation. Ohh, I can't do it myself, okay, now it is clear - I thought. I gave food to my "colleague". One day, she suspected my "mysterious words" which were meant to be said to my son and wanted to open the food which was in a small refrigerator. At the moment, I entered the room. The door was wide open. I was very cold-blooded. I knew what she was doing, I knew her intention. I tried to explain the situation (whatever it is...)

I (real me) was with my friend and his girlfriend. We were taking a picture of a landscape. The landscape was very familiar to me. Most probably, it locates in Szeged, which I and my friend currently live in. The landscape itself was beautiful enough, but we realized there are 4 types of transportation vehicles at the same time passing from that place. We wanted to take a photo of them in a single frame in front of the landscape. I did. My friend and unknown girl failed. Then my friend messed with my picture and he said it is a poor quality picture. Then we saw some people coming from the uphill in full-body soldier clothes. They were running. They did not see us at the beginning. I tried, and actually did hide behind a tree. A few seconds later, I realized my friends are gone. They were running. They said: "We are civils, nothing bad can happen. (we are not in danger)." I joined them, and we all started to run away. However, after a short period, they saw us, and they shot us with rifles. The bullets were coming from multiple people. At first, I did not feel the bullets on my body. Or I didn't accept to feel it. I couldn't accept the fact that I am gonna die right here. I kept running. Then I died.

I became my mother. I was upset about my son's death. It was (I guess) a funeral. I was still calm. Broken, but calm. I would say I was a charismatic person. I guess, my "colleague" lady was also there.  I did regret that I couldn't even give a gun to my son (maybe he could protect himself). The end.

Analysis: I should admit that this dream is a way difficult for me to analyze compared to the previous two. First, I will write easy connections: The refrigerator is the one I have currently in my flat. It is a kind of problematic one because it is very small and we live 2 people in a flat. So, I may hate that refrigerator. Regarding the landscape part, I do not remember where it was. But I suspect that I might take the same picture before. However, it must be a long time ago, because I don't do anything like that in the last couple of months. I have seen that friend of mine on March 4, which is 8 days ago. I was taking his pictures with my other friend. They had a "boxing stance" in the pictures. Also, it is possible that he has said to me about the poor quality of my phone in terms of taking pictures. I am not sure, but it is possible. I can somehow recall that. So, my friend, taking a picture, and violence - were somehow meaningful. My friend told me "we are civils, they won't shot us", so he was aware of military laws even in such a critical moment of the dream. But unfortunately, we were dead at the end. Later note: Christian sister? Is it possible that I have heard the church bell at 6 a.m? I have never heard of the church bell in my new flat (my previous flat was close to the Church, so I could hear there). This idea came to my mind after reading Freud's "The Pope is dead" case. It might be.

I don't know who was my mother in the dream. She had a typical woman's body and face. She was regretful at the end that she couldn't even send me a gun. Maybe the "food" she was trying to send to me was a gun. Or the "cipher messages" were leading me to a gun or a total escape. The dream was started with being a mother, then being a son, and ended with being a mother. Therefore, the final structure was: pre-tragedy, the tragedy, and post-tragedy.

I feel that I missed a lot of points in the dream, and I know that I couldn't interpret many of the details here. But I repeat, this is just a piece of data for dream researchers.

(IMPORTANT later note: I was having my dinner after 4-5 hours of writing this blog post, I realized something. The death of mine can be connected with, again, the COVID-19 virus. In real life, I sometimes think that I am not afraid of death, I mean generally. In the dream, I was so afraid to die. I couldn't just believe. How can I die? I have seen people die, but how can I die? I shouldn't die. My friend's sentence: "We are civils, do not worry" can be interpreted as I once or twice told my friends that "This is a disease for old people, we are young, do not worry". Before sleeping, I saw some celebrities, young athletes got infected from the virus. Thus, before sleeping, I already knew that my argument is no more valid. The youngsters will also get hurt. But in the dream, my friend replaced me with excuses. I was trying to hide because I already knew that they can hurt me. The soldiers were viruses. They were all attacking together just like virus cells. One is not enough.)

Amanov Shamsaddin

12th of March 2020

Szeged, Hungary

MULTIPLE DREAMS IN A SINGLE NIGHT (dream #2)

Introduction: I guess I have seen 5 totally different dreams in a single night. I woke up in the middle of the night and I realized I have seen 3 dreams, I have noted them in the paper, then went back to sleep, and saw 2 more.

Before sleeping: Usual stuff, brushing teeth, putting some warm water on my face, and lying in bed. I wanted to put some random ideas into my mind for a designed, artificial dream. I have repeated 10 times each of these 6 words: Tree, Green, Village, River, Fish, Birds. I should say I did not see anything related to rivers, fish, and birds. But the first 3 is kind of related.

Dream 1: I know I saw something, I am definitely sure, but I have no clue what was that.

Dream 2: A new dream was about some statistical data about homosexuality. In the given tables concerning homosexuality rates, I just remember that there was a kind of comparison between China and Korea

Dream 3: The longest and the clearest dream of the night. I was in the garden, near trees, and I was surrounded by sidewalks. Even though the height was enough low to climb, I just couldn't get out of it. Then I realized there are (around) 3 children in the yard. I asked them to help me, but they said we can not help you, because we shouldn't touch each other, otherwise we will get a virus. Then I asked them to call someone from the house, and one child approached the main door with a cognac bottle in his hand. It didn't seem weird to me: a child and a cognac. What I recall is that I was surprised that he doesn't mind the smell of it. Then someone came out of the house, he was, I guess, Henry Cavill (superman actor). He gave me his hand and pulled me. Then I kissed his palm (of the hand) to thank him. I wanted to show my gratitude and I wanted children to see this. I had my beloved in the house and her mother. And Henry was my very close friend. I realized I have left the house for some reason, and now I came back to live them again. However, the mother of my beloved was against me to live with them. She asked me to leave that place, and I told her, just give me "5 days" to move out.

(woke up, wrote down dreams, slept again)

Dream 4: I broke my glass. I went to the optician who sold me the previous glass. I gave my glass to him and took another one. When I left the store and walking, I realized I didn't pay. It seemed strange to me, but giving my old and getting a new one was somehow okay, almost meaningful. I came back home, and I was very sick. I thought I am gonna die now. I was sweating, I had a temper, and I guess there was a problem in my heart.

Dream 5: I was at my previous University, on a path between one faculty building to another. I saw my school friends there, we were chatting and walking. It didn't seem strange to me that almost none of them study there. The road was uphill, and I was walking in the front. At the end of the uphill road, there were some strawberries in the ground. I paid special attention not to step on them. It was not strange at all that there are strawberries on the ground like grass.

Analysis:

Dream 2 | I have checked, for 7-8 seconds, a Facebook profile of one gay activist on the same day I saw a dream about homosexuality. For countries, I would say China and Korea are in the top list for Coronavirus, maybe that's the reason. I sometimes check the live counter of the virus. I have some concerns (I will fail) about the "Statistics" class at the University.

Dream 3 | The house (the yard) - was our home in Bilasuvar, a district (not a city, not a village, in between). A yard that I have lived for 17 years. A home that I have lived for maybe 7 years. I guess I didn't know that I am at home in the dream. I knew that I am at home, it was "a home" of my different dream life. But it was also a home of my real life. I do not know who were the kids. My parents have 3 children, and there were 3 children in our yard. Maybe these 3 children were actually me and my siblings. That cognac boy was probably me then. I use alcohol in my adult life. I do not recall the identity or the face of my beloved and her mother. I have watched a video about "couples in coronavirus period" on the same day with the dream. The video was about two adult people who love each other but shouldn't touch each other for fear of the COVID-19 virus. No psychical contact, they said, just like those kids responded to me. I have watched a "flirting" video of Henry Cavill with one young actress which I found very cute. (Even though I knew it was not flirting). I do not know why I kissed Henry's hands. It was a gentle kiss. Obviously, I find him a very attractive man, but I see this as my "beauty appreciation" regardless of the genders. The dream was after the homosexuality stats dream, but I don't think it was anything romantic. I was just thankful for being helped, and my beloved was female inside the house. Thus, I guess, no bisexual inclination. (Additional note: Freud believed that all humans were bisexual, by which he primarily meant that everyone incorporates aspects of both sexes and that everyone is sexually attracted to both sexes. In his view, this was true anatomically and therefore also mentally and psychologically. Heterosexuality and homosexuality both developed from this original bisexual disposition.)

Dream 4 | The glass store was the one in which I have purchased my last 2 glasses over 4 years. The fact that I didn't pay anything, and the only main idea in the dream was about money-related, then I may claim that there is also a connection here. I always hated seeing my father paying such a big amount in the glass store. In general, I always hate seeing someone paying for me, it seems like I am nothing but a burden. I would even wish to end my existence right there and not be a burden to anyone. In real-life experience, the only thing I thought when I entered that glass store (twice) was money. In the dream, I did not pay anything for my new glasses and I probably fulfilled my profound desire. No Money Paid. I was alone there. Later the dream, I found myself sick because I probably had a virus in my body and I thought I am gonna die because I have seen four thousand people die from this virus in the live counter I mentioned above.

Dream 5 | I was happy to be at my previous university again with people who I can laugh easily with. The positive memories from the past. Nostalgia. I have walked that path with my best friends who study there for many times, but in the dream, there were other friends of mine. Regarding strawberry, I can remember that saw a small strawberry pocket in the "Spar" supermarket around 4-5 days. It was in discount, and I wanted to buy it, but I decided that it is not worth to pay 600-700 forint (~2 euro). So I didn't buy it. However, I remember I did stand around 7-8 seconds in front of strawberry with a dilemma on my face: "to buy or not to buy? that is the question." At the end of the day, I repressed my strawberry desire. But dear me, I had some banana and apples at home, why don't you understand you can't have everything? Why those strawberries were so important? (The dream is the (disguised) fulfillment of a (suppressed, repressed) wish. - Freud)

Amanov Shamsaddin

11th of March 2020

Szeged, Hungary.

Later note (16th of March): I got the strawberry tho

A DREAM ABOUT STATE GOVERNANCE. (dream #1)

Introduction: I have decided to note my dreams alongside many other things from my daily life in this blog. I think that these first-person experiences can be valuable data for scientific researches. So, consider me as a supplier. I have no fear (not at all?) to share my personal opinions, profound desires, and strange experiences with others since I can discuss them with myself quite easily.

Dream (and Analysis together): He said: "Every new democratic government is the continuation of the previous empires". The narrator (teacher?) was a man, probably over 35-40 ages. May not be as well. Perhaps it was me, myself. Maybe from now, maybe from the future.

I saw a book cover in Turkish title, the sentence above was probably written there. I do not recall any more particular ideas like that. I guess the title was like "Mufakathane"*, which seems like an Ottoman word to me, for some reason. The book was about law and state governance. Probably that new democratic government indicates today's Turkey, and the empire was Ottoman. Or Soviet-Russia? I think not. There was no face as far as I recall, it was a close-up scene of the book and sounds. Therefore, the place was unknown. I am, in real (conscious) life, not interested in politics and the principals and concepts of states. I was reading the "Felsefinin Tarihi" (History of Philosophy) by Ahmet Cevizci which obviously contains Socrates and his political (or state) philosophy. I postponed reading it after 50-60 pages. I have not read "Republic" by Plato yet, but it is definitely in my to-read-list. Maybe this had an influence. Otherwise, I see no connection between me and the state governance book. This reading adventure happened around 10-11 days ago. Likewise, I have watched 2 or 3 Youtube videos from "Flu Tv" by Emrah Safa Gürkan (teacher?) and İlker Canikligil about the history of the Ottoman and modern Turkey almost 6-7 days ago.

Before sleeping: It was 00:25 am when I went to my bed. I had my supper around 1-1.5 hours before sleeping which I usually don't prefer to do. I was reading "The interpretation of Dreams" by Sigmund Freud. In the meanwhile, I was also writing a book about God or Gods. I have designed the book cover around 2 hours before sleeping. I tried to make something minimalist: just my name, a dead color background, and the book name. After reading "The interpretation of Dreams", I was naturally encouraged to see a dream tonight. I have read only the first 88 pages of the book, but I was already aware of these four sources of the dream:

"Four possible sources of dreams: a) mentally significant experiences represented directly, b) several recent and significant experiences combined into a single unity by the dream, c) one or more recent and significant experiences which are represented in the content by the mention of a contemporary but indifferent experience, and d) an internal significant experience, such as a memory or train of thought, that is invariably represented in the dream by a mention of a recent but indifferent impression."

I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and put some warm water on my face and my neck for a night of light sleep. When I was back in my bed, I realized I have urine. You know the moment, you can urinate but you don't have to either. Urine is close enough full to send "notification" signals to the brain, but not exactly there yet. I just wanted to keep it to bother me in my sleep and lead me to see a dream. Besides, I wanted to increase the possibility of seeing a dream by whispering some spontaneous words, around 10-15 words. However, I was not smart enough to write them down. I suspect the word "chess" (because I play every day, at least 1 hour), but it did not appear in the dream. I probably said "book" as well. Additional factors: I do not remember my sleeping position, but I guess I was lying in "log position", over my right shoulder. My blanket sometimes did not cover my feet completely. I always lie with my clothes.

After the dream: I woke up by the noise of the alarm. First, I was almost upset that I did not see a dream because the first thing I saw was the notebook and pen at the bedside. (later edit: the fact that the dream which is believed to be forgotten in the morning may be recalled in the course of the day on the occasion of some perception which accidentally touches the forgotten content of the dream (Radestock, Tissie)) Suddenly, I remembered the book title and the rest came itself. However, I was confused about the shortness of the plotline in the dream. I went to the bathroom, and I urinated in a longer period than usual. Maybe twice. Thus, it seems my urine was full. So, in my first try, I saw a dream and I did remember that. (later edit: Anyone who for some time applies himself to the investigation of dreams, and takes a special interest in them, usually dreams more during that period than at any other; he remembers his dreams more easily and more frequently. (Freud))

A reminder: As I said, I am still at the beginning of Freud's book, so I may not understand some "signs" very well. I searched "urine" (9) and "urinate" (11) in the book, and it appears almost 20 times in total. It means I will read a lot about it. Think about this early dream writing as a raw approach and introduction to dreams of mine.

*Mufakathane - There is no such a word. The closes version is "Muvafakatname, which means "deed of consent".

Original/Instant sentences. keywords, and plotline written at 07:20 am:

Amanov Shamsaddin
10th of March 2020.
Szeged, Hungary.